Not Your Usual Review Site

CHARLES VS. THE X-MEN #2

So here’s the second installment of CHARLES vs. The X-MEN(imagine a loud theaterical type voice saying it). It looks like I started my X-MEN collection just before JIM LEE came in a rocked my world. I like Uncanny X-MEN but the adjectiveless X-MEN was always my favorite series, mainly because it was the book that contained the blue squad from the awesome squad days of the X-MEN. So until my collection hits the GOLD and BLUE teams, I’ve decided to do this every other day. I also plan on starting the CHARLES VS. MARVEL very soon, because I have a lot of books that take place in the rest of the MARVEL U(mainly Spidey,F4,AVENGERS) so you’ll get to see more photoshopped images of myself against other MARVEL mainstays…but it’s all CHARLES VS. MARVEL.

So here we go again….

UNCANNY X-MEN #235

UNCANNY X-MEN #235

UNCANNY X-MEN #235, vol.1, 1988

A GREEN AND PLEASANT LAND

WRITER:CHRIS CLAREMONT

ARTIST: RICK LEONARDI

INKER: P. CRAIG RUSSEL

COLORIST:GLYNIS OLIVER

LETTERER: TOM ORZECHOWSKI

EDITOR:BOB HARRAS

E.I.C: TOM DeFALCO

So by the cover you get the idea that this rag tag, slightly powerful team of X-MEN are up against a group of dudes with guns. Considering that only three people on the team aren’t affected by bullets…this should be interesting.

  • We open up with a giant sign telling us WELCOME TO GENOSHA, now considering this would have been the first I would have heard of GENOSHA I would have been able to tell that something about this place isn’t right. In front of the sign, placed right under the word FREEDOM(subtle Claremont) is a blonde haired man with a baby. I can’t tell if this man is dumb or just not used to the english language, because his speech is pretty weird.
  • the man see some lights and runs towards them, it seems to be a airport. Then all of a sudden he sees helicopters and seems frightened and calls them MAGISTRATES. He easily jumps over the electrified fence.
  • The man stops at a plane with a kangaroo on it…wonder where it’s going? He places his son in the cargo hold and tells him goodbye…kind of reminds me of SUPERMAN with this stuff. Someone sees the man and he starts to run to draw attention away from his hidden son. He runs straight towards the MAGISTRATE’S helicopters.
  • The MAGISTRATE’s call the running man a mutant…of course! We also get treated to the new GENOSHA slang for mutants…gene jokes. Now if their is a off sect of the human species that has the powers of gods…are they really a joke? Nope didn’t think so. The MAGISTRATE’s start to shoot at the running man, who then stops and tosses a armed truck at the helicopters.
  • More helicopters and armed trucks arrive and they shoot the man, but he’s still barely alive. Turns out this guy has escaped from someone they name the GENEGINEER. The man dies as he sees his son’s plane take off.
  • we see a close up of the headline for an Australian newspaper:Baby found in jet. Three mysterious individuals are sitting outside a jet in the middle of the outback. They talk about the baby and some girl named JENNIFER RANSOME(nice last name…lol) who seems to have escaped GENOSHA. Through the boring chit chat, we get the three strangers codenames: PUNCHOUT(large, black female in sport tights), PIPELINE(Chubby kid), and HENSHAW(some dapper dressed man). It seems they’ve set a trap for Ms. RANSOME as they stop talking as a plane apporaches.
  • Inside the plane MADELYNE PRYOR is flying JENNIFER towards the jet. It seems JENNIFER was called thinking that there was someone hurt to help. When they get off the plane, HENSHAW says that he can’t get a reading off of MADELYNE(what?). They spring the trap and grab JENNIFER, MADELYNE tosses sand in HENSHAW’s eyes and runs away.
  • MADELYNE goes for the radio in her plane and calls ROGUE. PUNCHOUT grabs the plane and tosses it into a abandoned building. The plane explodes just as MADELYNE jumps out.
  • MADELYNE is pushed into the plane by PUNCHOUT. HENSHAW has JENNIFER inside the plane. PIPELINE is sitting at the computer and we learn that GENOSHA government has the very odd idea that no matter what your a GENOSHIAN citizen. PIPELINE is pressing aways on some haggard looking keyboard, and he zaps JENNIFER into the computer…what? He has the power to reduce things to binary electronic impulses….wow. PIPELINE sets his sights on MADELYNE…for a human she sure gets into a lot of situations hanging out with the X-MEN.
  • ROGUE flies up to the wreckage of MADELYNE’s plane. She’s communicating with PSYLOCKE to show her the location. GATEWAY creates a portal and WOLVERINE and STORM pop out. Wolverine seems to not be taking this too seriously because he’s just in a tank top and some khaki’s.
  • WOLVERINE doesn’t smell any dead bodies and gets a sent, but it just disappears. Back in the AUSTRALIAN hideout, the rest of the X-MEN are crowed around a computer. HAVOK gets all touchy about MADELYNE’s role in the AUSSIE X-MEN…weird, HAVOK loves going after his older brothers sloppy seconds.
  • Next thing we know the rest of the X-MEN pop out at a airport. Um what? DAZZLER’s at least brought WOLVERINE and STORM’s uniforms.
  • WOLVERINE tracks the scents of the three baddies to a hospital. ROGUE and WOLVERINE go in first undercover(why those two, you chose the girl with red hair, skunk stripe mullet). They try to go into the pediatrics ward, but are stopped by a disguised PUNCHOUT.
  • WOLVERINE recognizes the scent and clocks PUNCHOUT. PUNCHOUT hits WOLVERINE in the jaw, and wonders why her hand hurts…adamantium of course. PUNCHOUT tries to punch ROGUE, but ROGUE catches her hand and sucks her powers out, knocking PUNCHOUT for the lack of a better word out.
  • ROGUE’s physique changes to that of PUNCHOUT’s. With ROGUE’s power she knows the bad guys are grabbing the baby. WOLVERINE takes exception to that and runs into a dark room to see HENSHAW and PIPELINE. WOLVERINE rushes them and HENSHAW starts to shoot, but of course it doesn’t do anything to him. WOLVERINE unsheathes his claws and goes after HENSHAW.
  • PIPELINE ports in a soldier into the dark room and with what seems to be a regular gun knocks out two of the most powerful members of the X-MEN. ROGUE and WOLVERINE are blasted out of the window. PIPELINE wants to get aways asap, but HENSHAW says that they can’t leave PUNCHOUT behind. PIPELINE calls in more MAGISTRATES.
  • We go outside to the rest of the X-MEN. PSYLOCKE says she’s lost contact with ROGUE and WOLVIE. DAZZLER is pretty nervous that two of their most powerful members were taken out. PSYLOCKE tells the remaining team that the bad guys are now hunting them. All of a sudden the MAGISTRATES show up and open fire. COLOSSUS tells his friends to get behind him, but strangley DAZZLER says nuts to that.
  • DAZZLER starts to create a strobe to blind the MAGISTRATES. LONGSHOT and DAZZLER follow behind COLOSSUS while they run towards the MAGISTRATES. STORM has broken off from the group and is creating a thick fog to hide PSYLOCKE and HAVOK from the MAGISTRATES.
  • HAVOK and PSYLOCKE are trying to get away(I think) when more MAGISTRATES ambush them. HAVOK goes crazy and starts to attack the MAGISTRATES. STORM is flying high above the two battles and seems to just be thinking and flying. COLOSSUS takes out two MAGISTRATES that broke off from the group.
  • While COLOSSUS is fighting the MAGISTRATES, some civilians show up and distract them. The MAGISTRATES take the opportunity and toss some grenades at COLOSSUS. LONGSHOT grabs them and with his crazy luck gets them to COLOSSUS just before they explode. LONGSHOT takes out the fleeing MAGISTRATES. For some reason they’re surprised that guys who shot without warning are willing to hurt civilians to get away.
  • BIG SPLASH PAGE of the X-MEN (all of a sudden back together) take out the MAGISTRATES.
  • We see HENSHAW and PIPELINE helping PUNCHOUT away from the fight. They find the unconcious WOLVERINE and ROGUE. They decide to take ROGUE (good idea…no it’s not. You capture a girl who obviously has friends…you really want them to find you and shut your crap down) back to the GENEGINEER.
  • The MAGISTRATES have been tied up in a couple of girders. The police have arrived and talk about Australia having their own heroes, and that whoever pissed them off is in for some big trouble…some pretty thinly veiled themes that will.

Okay issue overrall. Now we’ve got a reason for the X-MEN to be pissed. Because they basically failed.

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